On the path of consciousness, we often believe that the wounds of the past have been healed, that deep work has freed us from the emotional chains that condition our lives. However, the wound of abandonment is a master at the art of disguise. It does not show itself in an obvious way, but hides behind layers of justifications, increasingly subtle defence mechanisms and spiritual reasoning that protect it from being seen clearly.
It is a sly wound. It doesn't shout, it whispers. It doesn't impose, it seduces with an internal logic that seems flawless. And when we least expect it, it becomes the secret architect of our relationships, sabotaging what our hearts long for most: deep connection, genuine love, real trust.
The Echo of the Past in the Present
The wound of abandonment does not arise in adulthood. It gestated in childhood, in moments when the unconditional love and presence of those who cared for us was not there in the way we needed. Perhaps it was an emotionally distant father, a mother who could not sustain us in a crisis, a separation that left us with a sense of emptiness, of not being important enough for someone to stay.
The inner child, with its vulnerability intact, then learned that to love is dangerous. That to trust is to risk losing. That to surrender is to risk being left behind. And though adult consciousness may have worked through these wounds, though we may have done years of therapy, ceremonies and healing processes, the structure we built to protect ourselves remains active, refined and sophisticated.
The Subtleties of Sabotage
The problem with the wound of abandonment is not just that it hurts. It is that it protects itself. It does not want to be discovered, because in its internal logic, the pain of abandonment is less than the pain of reliving it. So, in its drive for survival, it devises clever strategies:
- The Invisible Wall
We convince ourselves that "no one really understands us", or that "there are no relationships that match our depth". With apparent spiritual clarity, we create an unattainable standard that justifies emotional distance. We tell ourselves it's discernment, but deep down, it's fear.
- Distrust Disguised as Wisdom
Abandonment teaches us not to trust. So even in loving relationships, we find reasons to doubt. We see danger signs where there are none, we interpret silences as disinterest, we read between the lines of stories that exist only in our minds. And when the other person finally tires of trying to break down our barriers, we take it as confirmation of our belief: "I knew I couldn't trust".
- Justification through Spirituality
The wound of abandonment is a master at using the language of consciousness to perpetuate itself. We may tell ourselves that "it doesn't resonate with our vibration", that "the universe is showing us that we must go it alone", or that "it's a sign that we still have inner work to do before we surrender". And while this may sometimes be true, on many occasions it is just the wound disguised as enlightenment, avoiding the risk of being seen and embraced.
- The Cycle of Self-fulfilment
People with an abandonment wound may attract relationships that confirm their belief. Unconsciously, they choose emotionally unavailable partners, friendships that cannot sustain closeness, people who reinforce the narrative that "no one stays". But they may also do the opposite: attract healthy relationships and yet find ways to destroy them, walking away before the other can.
Breaking the Enchantment
Healing the wound of abandonment is not a single act, but an ongoing process of dismantling the mechanisms that protect it.
- Observe without Judging
The first step is to recognise it in action. Not to fight it, but to see it with compassion. When mistrust arises, when the urge to flee arises, when the mind constructs a complex story to justify the distancing, we can ask ourselves: Is this coming from my intuition or from my wound? - Risk Aware
The only way to dismantle the belief that love always leaves is to dare to stay. To trust in spite of fear. Allow closeness even when instinct calls for distance. True healing happens in practice, not in theory. - Rewriting History
What happened in childhood left its mark, but it doesn't have to define the present. We can remind ourselves that love is possible, that connection is real, that there are people who stay. Not all roads lead to abandonment. - Surrounding Yourself with Safe Relationships
To seek spaces where we can experience permanence. Friendships that sustain, communities that embrace, relationships where trust is not an ideal but a living experience.
The Freedom to Open to Love
The wound of abandonment is not a condemnation. It is not an inevitable fate. It is a pattern that can be seen, understood and transformed. Not with struggle or resistance, but with deep honesty and the courage to risk feeling.
Because in the end, what we fear the most (surrender, trust, vulnerability) is also what heals us the most. The only way to prove that love does not always go away is to allow ourselves to receive it, without the walls, without the masks, without the stories that our wounds told us.
Only with a bare heart and willing to stay.
With love,
Carlos Niwe
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